As usual
not knowing
I don’t know how to
deal with
accept, embrace, relax, let go
so much pleasure
so much awareness
so much joy, so much sorrow, so much hurt
in myself and others, in us
in myself
and others
in us
I don’t know
I don’t
know how to
stay with, to integrate, I don’t know how
anymore, to stop, to go back, to stop
I don’t want to stop
I don’t need to stop
and I think I can’t stop
so
I’m here moving
on my feet
The novel I am listening to
when I drive
as absorbed in the novel as I can be
without losing authority
for conducting the car safely through
highways, roads, lanes, traffic
other drivers’ choices
behaviors of the roadway and the other drivers
and walkers and bicyclers and motorcyclists
is
+
about or concerned with
the deepening of spiritual awareness
the spiritual in some big sense
that includes the uncanny and unknown
the bigger than me, the bigger than us
and mystery, and power, a bigger power
that itself is full of surrendering
letting go
letting be
and
change
+
the age 70 transition
even planning ahead
involves more letting go
and
allowing
things to not happen
than it does
what can or might happen
+
the child in me
or the dog in me
makes frequent stops
to pee, to check the map, to take a little drink, to
wonder whether this or this is a trail I would rather go on
and even to just stop and notice something
a little more
+
roots
boulders
mosses
trees, young and old
plants, underbrush
needles
bark
air
rocks
twigs
branches, fallen trees
decay
nourishing one another
through the soil
and the atmosphere
+
Age 70 Transition
(09 01 2019)